Ingabe izindaba zangaphandle zothando zingathembekile? Yebo, kodwa qaphela. Ngezinye izikhathi zizophelela ekuphazamisekeni noma endaweni yokungcola. Futhi noma indaba yothando ingathembekile, ukuyilungisa ukuze kube umsebenzi nohubo oluqinile kuzodinga isikhathi namanzi amehlo.
Ingabe izindaba zithola uthando?
Kungase kubonakale akukho kubuhlungu, ekuqaleni, kodwa izindaba ezifanayo zingenza inkinga emshadweni lapho ukuthembeka noma ukuthembeka kubhekwa ngokuphelele. Abantu bangena kuyo njengendlela yokuphuma kodwa kukhona ithuba lokuthi indaba inguqule ukuba yinxenye yokuxhumana okujulile noma uthando.
Ingabe izindaba ziyaphela kahle?
Ngokusho kuka-WebMD, isigaba sokuthandana kwendaba sihleli phakathi kuka-6 kuya ku-18 nenyanga, ngokujwayelekile. Futhi cishe 75% yemishado eyaqala njengamakhonsathi ayoqhekeza emshadweni. Uma kuqhathaniswa nje nge-5 kuya ku-7% yemikhankaso yothando eya emshadweni, lokho kuyisibonelo esisodwa sokuthi izithandani zithembe ukuthi izindaba zabo zophela kuze kube phakade.
Ingabe izindaba zingaphela isikhathi esingakanani?
Isikhathi eside ezindabeni zangaphandle zothando siphela: cishe 50% zingaba phakathi kwesikhathi sonyaka kuze kube nenyanga, izindaba ezinde zingaba zide, ngemva kuka-15 nenyanga noma ngaphezulu, futhi cishe 30% yezindaba zingaphela ngeminyaka emibili nangaphezulu.
Ingabe imizwa yasekhaya iyenza ubudlelwane kube ngcono?
Umkhakha wokwelapha futhi uqinisekisa ukuthi ukuziphatha kabi kungasiza ukulungisa ubudlelwane ngoba kwenza izithandani zikhulumele ngezinkinga zazo. “Ngezinye izikhathi ubudlelwane obuphuma kubo kungaba ngcono, bungaqotho kakhulu futhi kungapfundeki kakhulu kunalowo owakho ngaphambi kwalokho ngoba abantu kanye ngakho baqhubeka.”
Ingabe imizwa yasekhaya ingaba yiluthando lwempilo?#ngokomthetho okanye…
Ingabe imizwa yasekhaya ijabulisa abantu?
“Izithombe zikubonisa ukuthi noma imizwa yasekhaya iqinisekisa ukuthi abaphenduliwe bayajabula, izinto eziningi ziyabonakala ngokuphila kwamasonto ngesikhathi sezizathu, okuhlanganisa ukukholelwa ukuthi umlingani ovela ngaphandle kudingeka ahlale ekuphileni kwakhe, ukufisa ukuba ekuphileni kwakhe, okungenani ngesonto lesibili lokho …
Ingabe kuyinzima ukuphela kwezizathu?
Okokuqala, imizwa yasekhaya ngokuvamile yilapho kuyolindelwa khona ukuphela. Futhi okwesibili, imizwa yasekhaya ngokuvamile ihlanganiswa ngamandla amaningi njengoba ubudlelwane bomshado buphela, okuvumela ukuthi imizwa yasekhaya ibe nzima ngokufanayo ukuphela ngebudlelwane bomshado. Ngakho-ke, ukuphela kwemizwa yasekhaya, ikakhulukazi uma kungokwesikhathi eside, kungafana nokuphela kwemshado.
Yini enenza imizwa yasekhaya iphele?
Nokho, imizwa yasekhaya ngokuvamile iphela ngendlela ezimbili: ngekhululo noma ngobudlelwane obungcono kulesimanje. Indlela yokuphela iyakusizakala nguwe, ukuthi uzwisise kanjani, nokuthi uzunguza kangakanani ukusebenza ukuze uhlale nawe. Ukufunda ukuthi uzwisise kanjani ubunzima nokuhlupheka kuzoba nzima, kodwa iCouples Academy ingakusiza.
Ingabe iziphathimandla ziqala kanjani?
Ngokuvamile iziphathimandla ziqala ngokuthandwa kwendodana oyaziwa kahle, umuntu ophinde ube naye isikhathi njalo ngesonto – abangane bakho kanye nabasebenzi.
Ingabe iziphathimandla ziqala kuphi?
Indawo yokusebenzela. Indawo yokusebenzela yilapho iziphathimandla ziqala khona ngokuvamile. Akekho umuntu othinta ukuthi ngokuvamile sithathe isinqumo esihle futhi sibe ngokuzithandela emsebenzini. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuba nokuzimisela ngokuhlanganyela emisebeni (noma ukungathandi okwengeziwe kubaphathi noma abasebenzi) kubeka umhlaba opholileyo wokuthi kuziphathimandla.
Ingabe iziphathimandla zingaphela ngokujabulela?
Noma yiliphi iphuzu lokuthi iziphathimandla ziyahamba kahle, ngokuvamile ziphela ekupheleni kwesihlobo. Iziphathimandla azidumazi ngokuvamile, futhi noma ukuphila okuqinile noma okuphathelene kwenziwe yiziphathimandla, akukho nokwenzeka ukuthi kube yimpumelelo futhi ibe yingxenye engenakwenzeka isikhathi eside.
Ingabe abantu bahlangana emuva kweziphathimandla?
Abahloli bathi kungenzeka ukuthi izithandani ziqhubeke ngokuba nekhaya elijabulisayo ngemva kokuhlukumezeka, uma bekhonza ukwenza umsebenzi. “Isithandani singaphumelela futhi sikule ngemva kweziphathimandla,” kusho uColeman.
Yiziphi izimpawu zokuqala zokuhlukumezeka?
- Ukuguqulwa kwesikhathi. Uma ukusebenza kude kuyisimo esisha esijwayelekile noma ngisho noma umsebenzi womlingani akudingi lokho, kungenzeka bangasho iqiniso mayelana nokuthi baphi.
- Abangane abangaphatheki. Abangane bomlingani ohlukumezekile ngokuvamile bayazi ngakho ngaphambi kwakho. …
- Izindleko ezingajwayelekile. …
- Ukuziphikisa ngokuhlukumezeka okungalungile.
Nguhlanzeko lwesikhathi sonyaka amahlobo angaphezu kwalokho aqala nini?
Amacouple athandana anikezwe isixwayiso: uSeptemba uqanjwe njengenyanga lapho amahlobo angaphezu kwalokho akhona ukuthi aqale. Ngokuphumelela uJanuwari njengenyanga enkulu yokungathembeki, ucwaningo olusha lwathola ukuthi abafuna ukuzula ngaphezulu ukuthi baqale umhlobo ngoSeptemba kunanye isikhathi sonyaka.
Yiziphi izimo ezivumela ukuthi amahlobo aqale?
Ngokusho kumkhuba wokuxhumana ophumelelayo, uDkt. John Gottman, amahlobo awaqali ngesikhathi esifushane. Ukwenza okungaphezulu kwemibhangqwana noma ngokomzimba kungaphandle kwemibhangqwana yindlela yokudlula, izenzakalo ezincane, ezinzima ukuzibona ngezikhathi eside.
Kungani amahlobo aphela ngemva kweminyaka emibili?
U-Oxytocin, i-“hormone yothando” eyabambisana nabantu, eyandisa ubulili, eyenza ukuthi kwenziwe ukuthandana kwabantu kwehle ngokuzimela ngemva kwezinyanga ezingu-9 kuya ku-18. Lokhu kuyasetshenziswa ekwakheni, udingo lokuthi zombili izipho zime ngokubukeka emehlweni omunye bese ziyabuyela emsebenzini.
Kungani ukuziphatha kahle kungajabulisa?
Abaqambi bathi kanje: Ukuziphatha kahle kuhlobene nezinqumo zokuzijabulisa, kanye nokukhuphuka kwemizwa emihle yokuziphatha kahle kuqhubeka noma nje izindlela zokuziphatha kahle ngokuziphatha kahle zithuthukiswa.
Ingabe izindaba zangasese zingakwazi ukulungisa umbili?
Kwamanje, abanye abahloli bakholelwa ukuthi kukhona izikhathi lapho indaba yangasese ingakwazi ukusindisa umbili noma ubuhlobo futhi ngisho nokwenza kube mnandi kakhulu. Ukuqala ukwazi ukuthi indaba yangasese yenzekani kunganikeza ukucacile nokunikeza impendulo kumibuzo eminingi abathandekayo bangase bafise ukwazi ukuthi ingabe ayiphendulwanga.